Really where did it all go wrong. It’s as they say the drugs no longer work and you know it’s time to give it up. ‘Sunny Side-Up’s’ all day rave has landed me in with the wrong crowd. I say the wrong crowd but its more people who do drugs harder than me. It’s all micro-dots and housing estate surrealism. And this is on top of the ecstasy, amphetamines and coke. Of course I wasn’t doing anything really hard so it was easy to excuse my behaviour. My clubbing had gone from the happy house music scene to hard-core trance during a Sunday and then ending up in some one’s flat zoning out all day Monday, no longer caring about work. I wish the hand of God would lift me up and get me out of here. But free will is free will. Nothing was working anymore. I borrowed money from friends to buy pills to go out with. The pills offered no effect so I would add more speed or stick a bottle of poppers up my nose just to try and hook me back into the original buzz. I was no longer interested in the music. I had also lost a lot of weight to the point that other people thought I was going to die. So it was maybe a good thing that I had made an attempt on my life. A way to literally cut myself free from the people around me who seemed to want to continue on and on. After ‘my accident’ I had an excuse to leave. I had to go home and recover myself and I was happy about it. The rave days were over. Apart from the odd visit to the doctors to discuss my issue I was able to fit seamlessly back into work while living at home with my parents. But what to do next? Beer replaced drugs. Television replaced laser lights. All was lost. The party was over. Saying that there was always a crap nightclub in Watford as a kind of compensation and the occasional nights out in London to middle grade house clubs that finished at 3 a.m. Work was next on my mind. Work and healing myself. I needed to repair the body and get back into the world but I was lost and unsure what to do. It’s difficult to come down from the highs of ecstasy and suck up to the suburban lifestyle.