Am I an alcoholic or just a heavy drinker? Is it because my parents are Scottish? Or that I and my father were in the military.
I don’t drink every day but I drink at weekends. Ever since I was 16 and that first pint on holiday in Torquay. I would take a swig and swish it round my mouth. I was always a very shy person. While at boarding school when they heard the song, ‘To shy. Hush eye to eye’ by Kajagogo. They would point at me.
It was another reason for me to drink. Once I was drunk I was funny and could say all the things I wanted to say. My worries and fears would slip away when the effects of alcohol took its hold. Even my father used to struggle with the same problems, and he would be the first to drink in the mess halls in the army.
As I reflect on my life I have been drinking every weekend non-stop until now at 56. And even now at 56 after a brief 3 month stint in Bangkok Thailand, I just couldn’t stop, but again not every day.
Prior to being unemployed I was doing live-in care work so for 4 weeks I would live and work with a vulnerable client so I would not drink. Then I would have two weeks off and maybe drink four beers each day while reading the papers.
When I became unemployed and was trying to find a different kind of job. I started to drink every day but again not heavily. Say four beers a day and because I was bored four in the evening but I never woke up with a hangover. Is eight beers a day a problem? I didn’t think so. It felt quite nice.
In between the unemployment I went to Thailand, four times, again looking for work and seeing if I would like the place. But Thailand can be dangerous as it is a holiday place. Whereas in England I could contain myself, in Thailand while in the reggae bar in Phuket or Krabi, if I left a tip. The bell would ring and then shots were offered. And I could not say no. An English person with his Thai wife had a bottle of Thai whiskey and offered some and I could not say no.
So the hangovers and the capacity to drink more increased in Thailand.
Eventually I moved to Liverpool, again in Liverpool, I averaged about eight a day maybe ten on a Friday as it was the weekend. I booked myself to see the doctors for a general check up and was shocked to see I was 17 stone? I had to get him to check again to see if it was true. The doctor mentioned that I should only be drinking maybe fourteen unit per week which is about seven pints. I was at about 56 pints per week and I swear I was fine.
I did have a check on my liver and they thought I should get further checks. I rejected the offer of an abstinence group and said I would cut down but I didn’t. I wad due to go to Thailand to settle down properly and find work as and English teacher but Thailand likes live music which comes with beer and I could not resist.
As a loner I do not walk into bars or go to see bands in the UK because I feel such a twat but in Thailand with its outdoor culture its easy for me to sneek onto an outside stool while the band is playing and just enjoy. Again I like this or I love it but again the shots ring out, the Jack Daniels flow and the hangovers get worse and worse and I say I cant do this any more but I also cant stop. Some of my hangovers I literally feel like throwing myself of the building but I will sit on the couch and nurse til I feel better about 4 PM.
After applying for many jobs like mad I did not succeed so it is with reluctance that I head back home. ButI know I will not go out and drink as much back in England. Maybe I should seek out an abstinence group or join the AA.
What do you think? Alcoholic or just a piss head?
