Stuck In A Rut : Mental Health

Sometimes we get stuck in a rut.  There is this negative circular energy that doesn’t feel too bad but does lead to misery and depression. I lived in a small harbour town for two years. There were many things that I loved about that town such as being surrounded by hills and having the sea so close to myself. But it was an incredibly isolating place.

I was not happy in my job and naturally there were limited opportunities to find work or even mental health support. Despite these negative circumstances I was surprised that I lived there for nearly two and a half years. I never talked to a single soul. I would just come back from my Live-In Care job and get stuck in the routine of getting up and drinking coffee while reading the papers.

Then I would go for my morning walk around the harbour. This would be followed by a mid-morning cup of tea while watching morning television. Followed by lunch. After lunch I could go for a further walk around the other side of the harbour or pop to the gym or go for a swim.

I was amazed at how content I was to follow this routine. Yet the environment was overwhelmingly depressing. But when it came for me to move I was surprised at how resistant I was to change. I panicked so much about leaving the place that I had to breathe and take it in stages.

I first just tidied up the flat and threw away all the things I no longer needed including outdated clothes. Then I would leave it for a day or two to allow my mind to calm down. Sometimes I would panic about moving to this new place and other times I would be elated about my new change.

Then I would pack as much as I could and then rest and look at the emptiness of my old flat. This would help me move things along. I wouldn’t be moving to a new place yet but would have to rent a hotel in the new city and stay in hotels until I had found a place.

When I was younger hanging lose in different places not knowing where I was going was kind of cool but as an older man I needed my fixed location. Eventually I packed all my belongings into one large bag that I could wheel along. I just left the television behind as I could purchase all items new.

After staying in third rate hotels I was lucky enough to find a nice flat in the city of Birmingham. I settled myself into the place and took a walk around this big vast and expansive city. I had at last moved from a small harbour village to a big multi-cultural city. I can now join groups and meet other people and hopefully other opportunities will come along.

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