I have been studying the city of Prague for many months now. Here is what I have found out.
1. Segways – Don’t blame me if in one thousand years the first person is born with only one leg. That’s my view on the carbuncle known as ‘The Segway’. If I hear another tourist in Prague say, ‘Hey, we’re getting up ‘at-the-crack-of-dawn’ fancy rolling through the tight winding Prague alley-ways on a Segway?’, ‘No thanks. I’ll skip this one. I’m still recovering from the last time you made me go riding with you.’ Which leads me onto their second love ‘Absinthe’
2. Absinthe – This drink is called The Devil’s brew and I assure you that no serious decision is made in the Czech Republic, or so they told me, without a shot of Absinthe. ‘It clears the mind David.’ It didn’t just clear my mind. It blew it apart, then reconstructed it until I could only dribble one sentence, ‘Who am i?’ while tourists on Segways whizzed around screaming strange syllables. After the Segways and the Absinthe you can imagine how exhausted everybody was so we ALL WENT FOR A Thai Massage.
3. Thai Massage – After the dangers of the Segway and the disturbing influence of Absinthe I decided to go for a Thai massage expecting to be smoothed and oozed. Good God was I wrong. I didn’t think my legs could be pulled and stretched in so many directions. The Thai masseuse then WALKED on my back nearly breaking every bone in my body. Strangely enough I felt relaxed and calm afterwards. I was thinking of going home until someone asked me, ‘Fancy picking mushrooms Dave?’ At first I thought. No way am I doing LSD. I once did LSD in Amsterdam and confessed all to a bag of sugar.
4. Mushrooms – As you can imagine I was a nervous wreck unsure what this actually meant. I imagined a horde of Czech people charging through the forests on Segways pissed on absinthe screaming, ‘Mushrooms!’ In a strange twist of fate we actually just went picking Mushrooms. Real mushrooms. It was like a throw back to the fifties. No jokes just a nice day out. Of course after the mushrooms I noticed an elderly couple being rather amorous and kissing at the table which brings me to the final thing I noticed people doing. Kissing.
5. Kissing – I’ve seen them kissing on the metro, in restaurants, in parks, and in cafes too. Old people, young people, the glamorous, the average. All kissing and cuddling each other in a very passionate and open embrace. Maybe I am jealous but in The West we say, ‘get a room!’ Still I find it endearing. Along with the fact that many people can still be seen reading from hardback books or don’t have smartphones so people are still engaging in conversations. The old world is still not lost. Viva Le Czech Republic! This is The Savage signing off from his reservation. Keep The Faith.